i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
