He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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