You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
