all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
