She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
