You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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