At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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