He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
