so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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