Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
