I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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