this beer tastes like vomit already
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
