Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
