i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
