You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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