so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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