my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
two words...techno handjob
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
