I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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