I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
