she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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