i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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