where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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