she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
