so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
