how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
