just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MIDGETS
????
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
