I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
