i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
