I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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