he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
