somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
