Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
