you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
