i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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