A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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