you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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