so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
