i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
