no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
