Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize