I wanna passion pit in your ass
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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