i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
