I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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