I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
