maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
