Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
