I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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