I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you had me at cake vodka
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
