I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
