I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
