it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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