I accidentally had phone sex last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
