Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
