There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
