my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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