I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
