I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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