You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
