I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
