I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
