I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
