She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
