I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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