i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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